Alpine Summit

Friday, September 02, 2005

Lap It Up

Lee posted a story on the Smoking Gun about men learning life's little lessons.

SEPTEMBER 2--Strip clubs pretty much have two rules. Don't touch the dancers, and when "Cherry Pie" fades out and "Pour Some Sugar On Me" starts up, your lap dance is over. Last Tuesday that second rule was learned the hard way by two New Mexico teens making their first trip to an Albuquerque area "exotic dance club." According to the below criminal complaint filed in the Bernalillo County Metropolitan Court, Craig Everett and Malik Wakji, both 18, were hanging out in Fantasy World's VIP room with Orchid and Carmela when the music stopped and their bill came due. And their damage for sitting through 41 consecutive songs (82 dances)? Almost $2500. Everett and Wakji, who between them could only come up with $550, explained to cops they "did not know that a new dance started with a new song." But that excuse didn't sway the cops, who hit them each with a felony charge for falsely obtaining services.

SG has the actual police reports, but that just about explains it. My friend, who is older than me, took me to a strip club once for my 18th birthday and bought me a $40 lap dance as a present. The girl was deaf and I was actually more fascinated at how she would use the vibrations from the bass of the music to coreograph her movements to the music than I was with her (extremely nice) topless figure inches from my face (ed. This was during a time when I really hadn't grown in my religion, so don't hold it against me... oh, and I'm not gay- I swear).

The way they did it at the strip club I went to was that you paid up-front for the dance and it was up to the dancer how long she wanted to continue. The standard was one song, but my friend, being the casanova he is, would get two every so often.

After that evening, I discovered that strip clubs really aren't worth all the money people spend and, in fact, are quite dirty places (literally, and morally). Though I do have it on good authority that the Thai strip joints are way more entertaining- they shoot ping-pong balls at you.